Smat's new bedroom

Well, it's almost ready - most of the walls have had their second coat of paint (don't have woodchip wallpaper ever - it's a b*gger to deal with); some patches of floorboards still need varnishing; I haven't had time to track down any curtain fabiric which looks like an old T-shirt belonging to DD1 which is my inspiration for the entire redecoration project; but the bed now has a new mattress) necessary because the old one was 1. very old; 2. contoured like a ploughed field due to my inability to remember to flip it each time I change the sheets; and 3. now un-sprung because we didn't buy the Baby Smats a trampoline until this spring and they were forced to improvise.
Things To Remember For Future Decorating:
1. Dulux One Coat paint doesn't necessarily* do what it says on the tin.
2. Don't try to balance a paint pot on the loo cistern, it ruins the bathroom floor.
3. Don't try to paint in clothes you like (see No. 2)
4. Don't start painting bathroom walls when the Baby Smats are in the bath (see No. 2).
5. After having carefully ensured you don't paint yourself into the corner furthest away from the door, don't leave the paint pot lid on the windowsill.
6. Even if it says it washes off in soapy water on the tin, the manufacturers are lying (see Smat's left hand first fingernail for proof).
But aside from the unbelievable amount of reorganising of Stuff needed to return the House of Smat to something resembling normality, we would seem to be back in business.
That is, until Thursday, when Mr and Mrs Smat Senior arrive for their regular Inspection of the Grandchildren, which neccesitates a Thorough Cleaning of the House, a quick revision of any TV watching plans, and a bulk order from Virgin Wines.

* edited in case Mr Dulux and his very expensive lawyers come past

20 things you might not know about me

Thanks surly girl - does this mean I have proper blogging friends then? Woohoo.
OK, here goes:
1. I can't spell tommorrow, and have never been able to.
2. I worry that people don't like me.
3. I invented a professor in my History A level exam.
4. I have two and a half A levels (see no 3).
5. A long time ago I abandoned Patroclus to drown in a ditch. She survived (fortunately).
6. I've always wanted ballet lessons, but never had any.
7. I've never watched an episode of Sex in the City.
8. I really really want to crochet the Lorenz manifold. I don't understand it, but I want it.
9. I used to be totally and utterly obsessed with Liam from the Hot House Flowers.
10. I like girly pop music.
11. Mornings don't agree with me.
12. Wine and cider do agree with me (but not at the same time). That might explain no 11.
13. I haven't been to the gym in the past 18 months despite paying a monthly subscription.
14. Mr Smat won't buy me an eternity ring - he says it just feels like an eternity.
15. It's very easy to make me blush.
16. When I was little I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.
17. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
18. Plaster casts of my teeth are in a dentistry museum in London.
19. Garages scare me.
20. Writing this list has taken me over an hour.

Bars of soap

We like bars of soap in the House of Smat. The Baby Smats like leaving them in containers of water in the bathroom so that they dissolve slowly - I like to think it's because they're all budding scientists and it's some kind of high-level experiment, but sadly I fear it's can't-be-bothered-to-put-the-soap-back-in-its-proper-place-like-Mummy-nags-us-to-ness). Mr Smat is ambivalent, but I prefer a proper bar of soap to use in the shower. None of that shower gel nonsense for me.
But (and it's a big but), I only really like fruity flavours of soap* (lemon, orange, apple). And in the past couple of months it has proved almost impossible to buy fruity soap in any supermarket round here. I've even braved Boots and the scary makeup counters with their even scarier makeup-ed assistants, but no soap. I know I could go a bit further afield to the nearest Body Shop (20 minutes away) or Lush** (40 minutes with a clear M25 - yeah, right, like that ever happens), but that's not the point. Before the summer I could get assorted fruity soaps; now they've taken them off the shelves and replaced them with soapy smelling soaps. Am I the only person who finds this quite scary? What next - only one brand of loo roll?

* I know that technically soap shouldn't have a flavour in recommended useage, but 'flavour' describes what I mean much more expressively than simply 'smell'.

** Something which amuses me every time I get the train via Victoria - next door to Lush is the International Cheese Company. So does the cheese taste soapy, or the soaps cheesy?

Smat was a Grown Up

albeit briefly. Yesterday was Verity's National Conference and AGM, and in my role as Treasurer, I had to stand up and present the accounts to the members. Fortunately Mr Smat had prepared my powerpoint slides, so all I had to do was read them out. Even more fortunately the woman who noticed that the figures in the Annual Report were £20 different to the actual accounts didn't mention this during my presentation. Whew!
So there we were, running a national charity, hosting top expert speakers and published authors (as well as an amazing yoga woman*), being praised for changing the lives of hundreds of women, and I suddenly thought "hang on a minute, this is me, Smat! How did I get Grown Up?" It's quite worrying really as I don't feel old enough to be a Grown Up. I know I have the Baby Smats and the mortgage and the people carrier and the total lack of interest in partying all night, but it's about time I started behaving a bit more age appropriately.
So what do 30-somethings do these days?

*who has inspired me to "love my spine" and do the Salute to the Sun every morning without fail.